I am so tired. I mean like, hallucinating, muscle aches and dizzy from just moving mountains, unfortunately not literally.
So if not digging where have I been? As many of you know, I teach special education Earth Science in a high school. How amazing it is to be able to share something I am truly passionate about with students.
This year, however, something new for me has come up. I am one of the advisors for the robotics team. Nope, I am not an electrician. I am not a coder, a mechanic, engineer or even have the slightest idea of how to build a robot, but here I am. To be honest, I am really enjoying it.
That being said, it is an unbelievable amount of work. My co-advisor and I easily work 14+ hours a week, just on the build and then up to 30 hours each weekend of a competition. We can only afford two competitions as they are 3k each and there is no budget (always looking for sponsors)
The thing is, with all of this time, I really have enjoyed working with the team. Competitions are nothing short of amazing. Unlike sports, other clubs and frankly mining, EVERYONE is ready to help out. This past weekend, a student dropped a can of parts and at least a dozen people, adults and students, dove to the floor helping find everything. When something is broken, referees, judges, other mentors and rival teams all crowd around working tirelessly rebuilding, rewiring an d reprogramming. They cheer eachother on like nothing I have ever seen and why? Because Robotics is about building a community and celebrating the learning involved. How cool is that? Like the Hanged Man, you can not move forward without the help of others.
So as I sit here, now planning for next year, fixing the gaps and discrepancies from our past competition I smile away thinking about how much support there is in this culture. Again, still sitting here, planning my Mineral club that I am starting in my school next year, I am pondering how can we create this similar culture there. Why can't the mining world have cooperition (cooperation + competition) just like the robotics? Wouldn't that be amazing? I will let you know when I figure things out.
Just side note, the Mineral club will take High School Students, have them bring in their minerals and learn to identify them. There will be weekend trips where they can mine and learn how to dig safely. During the winter, I will show them cleaning techniques and hopefully have key note speakers. I am hoping they enjoy it.
ANYWAY
Why am I calling this blog the Hanged Man and the Prick in the Wall? Well with Robotics, I can't dig. I just can't. It's been too busy, too cold and rainy when I do have time. Things just haven't meshed. I am the Hanged Man. My body has been very symptomatic with Lupus, my mind scattered with obligation, I am sad, almost trapped waiting for that right time.
This card represents a holding pattern (among other things). Wait until the time is right and that is what I am forced to do, wait. With the prospect of 51 black druse, 52 oddities and skeletals, 53 who knows what and 54 sceptors and black diamonds, it is killing me to wait. This Friday, Good Friday, Oh how good it will be.... I will begin digging again with my beloved family. I don't care how badly it hurts, I am ready. I look forward to sharing that with you.
There is something else that is happening, I can't say who but someone in my life is very sad. I can see it from across the room and I can't help. Again, trapped. I know what it's like. I get depressed, the darkness drowns me sometimes. I know my real ailment is anxiety which is depressions annoying cousin that won't shut up at the holiday table but depression is still at the table.
I pulled her aside today and I shared my visualization I use during my darkness. After I mentioned it to her today, I thought perhaps there was someone here who could also benefit from it. So here is what I said.
Depression is like being in a room of darkness. You can't see anything, feel anything there is no senses at all, just that darkenss. But if you prick the wall of a dark room even with something the size of a pin, light will enter. Focus on that light. Not what it means, who it is, don't get heady. Just know, there is a light there invading that darkness and eventually, it will fill the room.
Likewise, happiness is like being in a room of white light. If someone came into it and tore a hole in your room, the darkness can not invade that light. It never will. You have to walk into the darkness to be affected by it. Just think on that. I hope whoever needs to hear that did.
Like the hanged man, we must wait for the light at the end of the tunnel. We must wait until the time is right and we can not expect to do things on our own.
Thank you